Up for Air

I'm staying home this Thanksgiving, to come up for air. I made a concerted effort to do a better job with the word "no" this school year, and I can't say that it's helped. If I made a list, here, of the things I have said "no" to so far this school year, I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt, so I won't. And here's the kicker: It doesn't seem to have helped me feel less busy, or more accurately, overwhelmed.

I have a couple of theories concerning this phenomenon:
First, I'm an anxietal goofball when it comes to teaching. I was talking to my sister about this and said I seriously have to wonder what's wrong with me in that I live alone, have no obligations to young children, husband, or anybody but me for that matter, and I can't seem to keep up. I live like a slob half the time and commit cleaning frenzies the other half; I reduced my possessions, hauling untold loads of the stuff to the thrift store last summer, and I consider myself generally low maintenance. So on the home front my responsibilities are few. But I find myself very frequently mired in a ton of school work and am constantly obsessing about my students and my teaching.

Isn't she wonderful? She cares so much! Um, well, the truth is, not so much; I honestly want to care less. I think being less neurotic about all of this would be better for my students and a healthier way to conduct the business of my life. Once, when I was training to become a teacher, I was obsessing in the way that I do, and my boyfriend said, "Rox, it's not rocket science." Obviously I was offended, because I remember those five little words to this day, but moreover, he was right! Rox can make rocket science out of teaching. God knows what the state of my mental health would be had I actually become a rocket scientist, but there's little danger of that, considering my next theory:

Isn't there some principle relating to available space and the expansion of matter? Go ahead and take a moment to grieve the decline of general knowledge among public school teachers; then give the system credit for guiding me to a major in English rather than physical science. But I digress. What I mean to say is it seems that saying "no" has only created more space to fill with guilt and other matters of teaching.

So, on this Thanksgiving, one item on my gratitude list is the four days I have to come up for air. Other things are (in no particular order) :
The glimmer of hope concerning the mid-term election results and Rumsfeld's "resignation"
My daughter Kara and her new husband Charley
Nature
The love of family and friends
Naps
Books
Cotton